The Weight of Not Working the Program: My Journey and Lessons Learned
Relapse is painful—there’s no way around it. But if I’m honest, my relapse didn’t just happen out of the blue. It started long before I actually picked up again. I stopped working my recovery program, and from that moment, the inevitable was set in motion. It felt like carrying a 100k backpack, dragging me down with every step. It was only a matter of time before I couldn’t carry the weight anymore.
For me, recovery has to be an integral part of my life—no half measures. It’s my medicine, and just like any treatment, I need to take it consistently to get better. Addiction is an illness, and left untreated, it can be deadly. That’s the reality I’ve come to understand deeply. The reason I’m sharing this is because I know my voice might reach someone who’s struggling. If you or someone you know is in a similar situation, please know that help, empathy, and kindness go a long way. No one chooses to be an addict—addiction is an illness, not a moral failing.
I’m incredibly grateful for the people who have supported me through this journey. They know who they are, and I can’t thank them enough. Speaking up about my experience is my way of reaching out to those who might be on the brink of giving up or who aren’t fully working their program. Trust me, you don’t have to let this be your story. If you see someone struggling, try to help them in whatever way you can.
After this relapse, I’ve made a promise to my family and friends: if they notice I’m not doing well, they have the permission to ask me if I’m working my program. We’ll talk it through because I’ve learned the hard way that accountability is crucial. In the end, I only have myself to blame for my relapse, and I need to be vigilant in protecting my recovery.